let’s kill the world

After the minor upset today, I decided to take some “Me Time” and go to Huddle House (because it’s always open and, more often than not, always empty) to rehash the events and give myself a better perspective on what happened.  I mean, there’s not a lot I could have done… but I think I could have handled the situation a little better.  *(What happened was: a person I was friends with in Charlotte contacted me and upset me a bit.  I haven’t spoken to this person in around 8 months and the topic of conversation was a bit heated considering it revolved around past events that weren’t good and I don’t like to drag out).  I could have simply not spoken to this person, but I did.   I also said something about a girl I knew that I shouldn’t have said.  It wasn’t a nice thing to say and I really had no right to say it because I don’t know this person anymore.  Whatever. What’s done is done.

BUT ANYWAY, so I was at Huddle House writing.  Writing makes me feel better (so does talking, but my close friends were unavailable at that time).  Later, Denise and Ashley show up as I’m closing my rant.  Denise did a wonderful 007 dance to a cop’s cell phone ringer.  Ha.  But to the heart of this: the three of us had the most fulfilling conversation I’ve had in a long time.

I can’t really describe my connection with God because I haven’t really figured out where I am in this whole spirituality scheme.  I’m relatively new to Christianity… well… by that I mean more active in it.  I go to church on a semi-regular basis and I now have a better understanding of the teachings in the Bible.  And I would love to outline what we said, but to be quite frank, I don’t remember all of it.  I just know that I left the conversation (after lots of cigarettes that I vowed NOT to smoke) feeling complete.  I think that of all the things I took from our talk was what it means to be a Christian.  One of the girls (Ashley?  No… maybe Denise? Shit, whatever) said (OH! It was Ashley!) that one of her neighbors came up to her and her husband and asked if they were religious.  She said yes and asked why.  The neighbor then gave a vague account of what led him to believe they were religious.  And we got into the topic of (Wait… maybe it was Denise..) how someone would know, just by your daily activities, that you are a Christian.  And… I thought about it and I can honestly say that if someone were to take my day-to-day routine they would not see I was a Christian.  I curse, I drink, I smoke, I have premarital sex (only with my boyfriend, of course…and only when I see him), I don’t treat my mother as well as I should, etc.  But I do try.  I do try to be a better person by little things.  I don’t think anyone can make a grand statement that shows how good of a person they are. It’s not a charitable donation of a large sum of money.  It’s not volunteering at a soup kitchen.  Yes, you can do that and it’s wonderful, woohoo, but it’s doing the small things daily that really make the difference.  You never know who you affect just by being you.  You never can tell if that extra $2 tip you leave for your waitress is going to matter; but it could be food on the table for children or an extra gallon of gas in order to get home.  Denise mentioned that believing in God–whatever God you believe in, really… it’s just having a spiritual connection of some sort–impacts every aspect of your life.  And I don’t think a lot of people realize that.  Since I’ve become more spiritually connected, I am definitely more aware of how I treat people, what I do and how I do it, etc.  Our beliefs make us who we are whether we recognize that or not.