My life is in a file cabinet. March 23, 2007
Posted by onmytangent in Uncategorized.3 comments
It is quite clear, in the last few days, that I am a dying hypochrondriac drama queen. Being sick is frequently annoying and very very lame. I don’t like it and I feel like my insides are slowly decomposing. My brain is screaming out for some socialization and some intelligent conversation. (This is why Denise came over today, with chocolate and cigarettes. I was pleased to have her in my company, although I hope she does not catch The Sickness). I have left my house once in the last 2 days; I went to the gas station to buy Diet Coke and cigarettes–2 highly necessary products for the Get Better Campaign. (Right, because aspartame and nicotine are great healing agents…).
Despite the waves of fever, fatigue, and coughing that overcome me over 75% of the time, I have managed to do something very important in self-exploration. Or rather…self-improvement. I have cleaned my room. This task is something that has been at #1 on my To-Do list for the past several months and includes a long list of sub-categories under it. Cleaning does not only involve dusting and trashing shit, it involves steam cleaning the carpet, trashing A LOT of shit, dusting, rearranging, and sleeping. I’d post photos on here, but no matter what I do to edit and crop the pics, I still look like I’m living in a little blue cell. Which, in fact, I am. And, to be quite honest, you can’t really tell that I cleaned in the first place. But I know I did and that’s what counts.
I wish I had something significant to say about some exciting inner soul searching that could have gone on since I’ve been absent, but alas, watching E! True Hollywood Story doesn’t account for much…only killing a few braincells that I probably didn’t need to begin with.
This message is brought to you by… March 22, 2007
Posted by onmytangent in Lists, Random Thoughts.add a comment
My blog has thrived while I’ve been away.
Right now, at this very moment, I am sick. I’m infected with goo and I can’t breathe like a normal person and I have no appetite (although Chinese food sounds awful good.. ). This “head cold” could have been eradicated about 2 days ago had I taken the initiative to stop smoking. But that’s beside the point!
….but I don’t have much of a point! either.
1) I called into work today because the plague could hit everyone and then there would be no one to serve or cook the pizzas.
2) Pizza sounds real good… screw Chinese.
3) I wish I had smarter animals.
4) I wish I was a little bit taller…
After more than a week of silence, I come back and have to bore you (readers) with this shit. Blame the sickness.
So, here’s the thing.. March 10, 2007
Posted by onmytangent in Family, Lists, Random Thoughts.add a comment
I’ve been neglecting my blogging duties (whatever they may be…) and have decided to do nothing instead. Actually, I’ve been avoiding all of the internet civilization including email, myspace, uh… and that’s all. So it’s not a YOU thing, it’s all me.
Work has become increasingly draining lately. It’s not that I work 6 days a week; I don’t mind that. It’s the… the… hassle of being hassled. I’m fine when I’m at work, but man.. if getting up and getting ready at 2 to be there at 4 isn’t a pain in the ass. One might call me lazy, I just say I like my relaxation time.
Things I found out about my family that doesn’t interest anyone but me:
1) my grandpa was illegitimate
2) he was due to have an arranged marriage before he fell in love with my racist grandma
3) he became a naturalized citizen to the U.S. to join the army. Or something.
If you’ve read this and thought “wow, what a giant waste of my time,”… it probably was. Let me have my afternoon cigarette and we’ll see what exciting things happen.
It’s on Tyra, yo. March 2, 2007
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Does anyone remember Jennifer Love Hewitt when she was on Kids Incorporated? I do. She’s on Tyra right now and I don’t care what anyone says I freaking love Tyra and Jennifer.
That’s all I have to say.
I’d be an excellent food critic March 2, 2007
Posted by onmytangent in Food/Cooking.add a comment
Oftentimes I get the urge to cook. While I’d like to say that my culinary exploits are muy delicioso and full of exotic flavor, I tend to fall short in the Taste Department. Actually, if we’re being honest here, I tend to lack in all areas of cooking: Taste, Presentation, Consistency, Ingredients, and Style. My close friends know that I consider myself lucky if I can make macaroni and cheese the right way or pop a bag of popcorn without burning over 75% of the bag. On the flip side, sometimes God smiles down on those that struggle in the kitchen and provided me with the Great Pork Chop with Bernaise Sauce Episode. Most of the time He just laughs.
The desire to make something edible came to me this morning as I felt my tummy growl. I could have went the easy route and opened up a mixed nut granola bar… but did I? No. I thought it would be to my benefit to make a “healthier” breakfast (at 11 in the morning…. lunchtime for my grandparents) by sizzling some bacon and scrambling some eggs. Unfortunately, even breakfast-making ventures that some might find oh-so easy prove difficult for me. The worst part is, I can’t tell how I nearly blew up the kitchen. The bacon sizzled and simmered and the eggs not even made by the time the smoke detector went off and I peeked out in my living room to see a giant cloud of smoke stagnating above the couch. Only then did I realize that perhaps I may have wanted to turn on the oven fan. That did little to help the situation as I could not discern how the hell it even happened.
45 minutes later (now): the fan is still on, the smoke is still lingering, and I am freaking hungry because my bacon turned out black.
Apologies/forgiveness 101- cliff notes version March 1, 2007
Posted by onmytangent in Friends, Making Decisions.add a comment
I’ve had a lot to think about in the last few days… I feel like several things are coming at me all at once and I’m figuring out how to process them. It appears that situational avoidance is not an appropriate way to deal with things. Pushing something away because you don’t want to think about it only works for the time being. Letting an issue fester and boil inside you while you pretend to ignore it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with… especially when it’s right in front of your face.
How do you forgive someone? Why is it easier to forgive some people and not others? Apologies are a touchy subject for me and a few people I know. Personally, I’d rather receive a heartfelt apology than none at all. If you aren’t going to apologize and mean it, then don’t say it. People can usually tell when you are faking it and when your words aren’t as sincere as you want to make them sound. Here’s the key: look them in the eye and mean what you say.
I have a lot of apologies to dish out to a lot of different people, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet. I know that just because I feel sorry doesn’t mean they do, too. I want to forgive them, as well, but I want to say it to them directly rather than informally. They deserve as much. Granting forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that one has to ask for it. I don’t expect, nor do I want, an apology from anyone unless they truly mean it. It won’t stop me from forgiving them or from apologizing to them. I have a lot of burdens that I’ve been carrying emotionally because I have a tendency to hold grudges and let the past creep up when it never should. I let things get to me and I get overemotional about it. Yeah, I’m a cry baby, I know. I’ve been quick to give forgiveness to people who hurt me bad and slow to forgive those who hurt me very little. I’ve been called naive, stupid, gullible, etc. because I forgive people when others don’t think I should. Being able to truly forgive your enemy or whoever else means opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt again, of allowing yourself to trust in someone else that may not deserve it, but it’s also a great relief because, one day, they will grow to understand. I can’t really explain it, but I’m working on ridding myself of this guilt, hate, and frustration. So my informal apology starts now. The mental housecleaning will take awhile, so bear with me.
