let’s kill the world

Working at The Hut in the last four months or so has taken me to new heights… it has “expanded my paradigm,” if you will… I have never met more stupid people in my life. Now now, this doesn’t account for 90% of the people I work with because I like them.  However, there are a select few that I have encountered in the recent months that have made my head spin like an owl and made me ask myself if someone actually gave birth to such idiots.  The answer is yes.  Some unfortunate mother and father produced such morons with their puny little egg and sperm.  These people did not win the genetic lottery in intelligence.  And if we’re on the topic of genetics, they didn’t hit the Looks Jackpot either  (but that’s beside the point). 

I work in small quarters with an even smaller staff so after a week it’s easy to know everyone in the restaurant.  Whereas when I worked at The Bees I kept meeting new coworkers everyday for a month.  After a while, as with any job, it’s simple to weed out the duds. You can better recognize who you work well with, who does their job well, who to avoid, etc.  You learn to “tolerate” certain people just to keep the peace.  Perhaps it’s because the War isn’t worth the strife it causes (which typically seems to be the case).  Maybe it’s because these human prodigies really can’t help that they’re so brilliant they don’t know what to do with themselves (which usually is an unfortunate case because seldom do you know what to do about them either).  See, I use “tolerate” very loosely because it’s just another word for apathy.  To tolerate someone is to let them go on doing what they do without really making any effort to correct it.  I also only am using this term in reference to the workplace because things like religious, ethnic, and racial tolerance are quite well and good; we should all just get along, shouldn’t we? 

In the past, I have been quite apathetic towards certain people because, in all honesty, I truly believe they can’t help themselves.  Take for example Dumb Girl who had to ask which salad dressing was Italian, if it was in the walk-in refrigerator, and if it looked the same as it did on the salad bar (Answers: Yes, yes, and yes).  (And that was only one of her dumb questions).  Sometimes, people just don’t have common sense.  In fact, I lack some of the common sense myself… that I will fully admit to.  But sometimes, ah! sometimes, people are just ridiculous.  I can overlook stupidity to a certain extent if it is more amusing than damaging, but I cannot and will not overlook stupidness and laziness combined.  Have I mentioned this before? I think I have.   Stupid and lazy people are insufferable.  If you are ever a new employee ANYwhere, please please please do not prove to be this combination.  You will gain zero respect and no one will want to work with you. 

With that having been said, here are some tips for potential employees.  Consider this How To Act At Your New Job 101. 

1.)  If you have a question that you think may be dumb.. think about it for a second.  Hell, be risky, think about it for 5 seconds.  If you still can’t answer it, then ask someone.  Do not take the chance of looking like a complete moron on your first day.  It’s okay to ask questions if you’re new somewhere but if you think, even for a second, that your question may have a really simple answer try and figure out the solution.  OR, precede the question with: “I know this is dumb to ask, but….” so at least the other person knows that you are aware of your own stupidity, in turn making you look a little bit smarter.  Don’t ask me how that works, it just does. 

2.) Always work hard, especially in your first week.  You will gain the much needed respect and admiration of your coworkers and management.  You can say that you don’t need to make friends, you don’t need their respect but trust me… trust anyone who’s ever had a job, it’s much easier to work with people who trust and respect you.  If you show that you are working hard, people will want to work hard for you.  As cliche as it sounds, it’s a whole teamwork thing.  And if you help out others, chances are they are going to help you. 

3.)  No matter what you did in your previous job, please do not brag about it.  In fact, even if you used to work at the same job you’re at now, don’t talk about it.  Well…let me rephrase: don’t talk about it if you aren’t going to prove yourself.  You have to have something to back up all you’re saying.  Don’t say, “Oh, I used to do this. This is so easy, blah blah blah” and then slack off. If it’s so easy, then just freaking do it.  Don’t complain how “things have changed so much.” Of course they’ve changed! That’s how life works.  Just do your job and do it right.  And P.S. don’t try and tell other people how they should do their job, unless you’re the boss. That’s just a stupid idea.

4.) If you’re in a commission-/tip-based job, don’t brag about your money.  Unless you know your coworkers well or are training someone don’t say anything about how much money you made.  As a server, I will talk about my tips to my coworkers who are friends (and sometimes that isn’t even a good idea).  If you got a real outstanding tip, sure, go ahead and say something.  If you got $6 from an old couple who is notorious for leaving $1 tips, tell someone and let them know how to work it, too.  You have every right to be proud of yourself.  But if you know that every other person has been getting beans for tips, it may not be smart to go around flaunting your green.
And, on another note, don’t try and bullshit someone else.  I had a girl try and tell me that she made over $5 from every table and I “should have walked out with over $100″ that night.  Wrong!  #1= Even the best server was lucky to make $50 that night and that is a straight-up fact.  #2= There is only one person in the entire restaurant that makes over $5 from every table and she has been working there over 20 years.  If you’ve only been there for a week, I’m not buying it.