let’s kill the world

*Note: there is no shorter version.

Once upon a time I had free cable with HBO. I watched trashy television, had my morning CNN with Robin Meade, and wasted a lot of time trying to keep myself mindlessly entertained. It was glorious.

And then it got taken away.

Although this may seem like the Nightmare to End All Nightmares it’s not so bad.  Really. I mean it.

See, we decided that hacking into an unsecured wireless network didn’t suit our high-speed needs so we got some wireless of our own.  And then Cable/Internet man saw that someone gave us the gift of free television and he couldn’t have that. So the guy turned it off. And we’ve been without for about a week.  I’m getting to a point here, I promise.

Anyway, so we’ve rediscovered the wonders of a Wii system with a wireless connection.  This satisfies my need for news in the morning so I can walk around like I know everything and challenge other news-savvy people. Also, having the Wii system serves another very important need which I can’t forget to mention: Road Rage. With the Excite Truck game I can get stars for Super Truck Smashing! other idiots on the road. I get points for crashing into trees, getting air time when I go over a hill (and I’m always criticized for taking those speed bumps a little too fast…), and and and I get to drive really fast.  Except there’s one minor problem.

Problem being that I tend to take my steering wheel for a Wii remote sometimes… I think I nearly gave my roommate a heart attack on the way to school yesterday when I reached for the Turbo button to get a Turbo Boost over the asshole in front of me who was driving to slow.

So the moral of this story is: Don’t play Excite Truck before you get in the driver’s seat. Your compact vehicle is not a monster truck. The only stars you’ll get for crashing into a tree are the cartoon ones above your head before you slip into unconsciousness.

The End.